I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
