Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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