Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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