You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
