O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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