Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
