Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
foreskin is a definite game changer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
