I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
