You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
