dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
