New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
