I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
