there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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