i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
