Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
