apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize