I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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