Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
