That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
