Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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