Got a toothbrush?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
