He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
