you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
