Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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