found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
God, I missed his penis.
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