that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My pussy is not your playground.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
