You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
