Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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