this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
