dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize