don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
