this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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