There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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