You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
