Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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