Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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