all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize