Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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