I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
