these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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