kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
