I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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