He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
