Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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