tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
