Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
