Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
