Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
