do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
