just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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