Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
