wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
