Im at strip club and am horny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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