ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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