So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize