its not stalking. its research.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
