why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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