Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
