dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
