If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
