honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize