we're chasing vodka with high fives
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
