yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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