Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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