***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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