um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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