He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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