if i died would you start the facebook group?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
