shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
