the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you win again, gameday.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
