I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think my moral compass just broke
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
