How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
