I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize