Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
love makes seman taste better
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
