Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
not ubering you a puppy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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