I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
