one might say we're banned from that church
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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