i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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