he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize