my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
