but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
