This house was built for laser tag.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
