Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
