Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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