What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize