I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
