If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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