She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize