i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize